I am not a Democrat. I'm not sure since we started this blog if that was clear or not. I'm certainly not a Republican and I have never voted for anyone with an "R" next to their name in my entire 20 years (holy crap!) of voting.
I am a liberal. Or a progressive. Or whatever word we use now that hasn't been successfully demonized by the right-wing attack machine. I'm sitting here right now wearing a red shirt with the words "Godless Liberal" emblazoned across the front.
But I am no water carrier for the Democratic Party. They have been a major source of disappointment in my lifetime and by the time I reached my mid-twenties I got sick of them winning my vote because they happened to suck a little less than the other guys. And they don't always suck that much less, John Murtha is just as corrupt, if not more so, than Tom Delay ever was.
I have continued to vote for many Democrats over the years, the ones I felt earned it. But I have not voted for the Democratic nominee for President since 1992. And yes, so you can get your fist-banging on the desk out of the way, I did vote for Nader in 2000. I know you're probably still mad at me for that. So is my wife. But I lived in a state Gore won, so get off me.
This year, what do I do? The idea of voting for someone who could be the first non-white person to ever be the President of our country is very exciting to me. The fact that it is someone who is smart and articulate makes it all the more appealing. With our relationships with, well, everyone else in the world in the crapper, he just might be what we need right now.
But does he deserve
my vote?
My vote is all I've got, it belongs to me and no one else. (Something that has always made me angry about blaming Nader was the claim that those were "Gore's votes" that went to Nader instead. Bullshit, my vote belongs to me until I give it freely to a candidate. Gore didn't
lose my vote because he never had it.)
I've never been disillusioned about Obama, he's a major party's politician and I've known for a long time that his claims about not taking any money from lobbyists or corporate interests is, at best, a major stretching of the truth. The two biggest recipients of donations form the health insurance industry this campaign cycle have been Clinton and Obama.
But I know that there are things that need to be done to win elections in this stupid money-driven system that we have. And I've been at the ready to finally vote Democratic again.
But now I'm not sure.
There are a lot of red flags that are making this 38 year-old hear the voice of his 24 year-old self screaming at him to consider what he's thinking about doing. (Something I wish would have happened to John Kerry four years ago, I could have voted for the Vietnam era Kerry, the one who asked Congress how they would ask a man to be the last one to die for a mistake.)
Obama has spoken about expanding programs that give tax money to faith-based organizations and supported the Supreme Court's decision to strike down Washington DCs gun laws, among other things. And then he gave his full support to a $700 billion giveaway to Wall Street without once trying to propose something that helps the economy from the bottom up, a phrase that he has used a lot but seems to only mean giving people a little tax cut and nothing else.
Certainly his health care plan is not as horrifying as McCain's, but it still keeps the power in the insurance industry and gets us no closer to the universal coverage plan that the majority of Americans want.
I am going to be a father before this election happens. What do I want to be able to tell my daughter? That I was one of the ones who voted for the first black man to be elected President or that no matter what I stuck to my principles and voted my conscience?
I don't claim to have figured out the answer to that question yet.
Do I want john McCain to be President? Good god, no. The very thought of that is disturbing, and even worse is the thought of him dying in office and this country being taken over by the court jester.
Admittedly, I have the luxury to be able to consider this. Obama is in no danger of losing New York. I have never had that dilemma during my other presidential elections either, always living in a state that the Democrat wins (IL in '92, WA in '96, IL in '00, MA in '04, the one exception in all my voting-age years was when Daddy Bush won IL in '88, and I voted for Dukakis that time).
Would I be having this argument with myself if I lived in Ohio? I doubt it. I absolutely prefer Obama to be sworn-in on January 20th over the only other legitimate option.
I just don't know if I can go in to the booth and pull the lever for someone I am not convinced is not just as beholden to corporate interests as McCain, Clinton and Bush.
I'm not even sure how good my other options are this time. Nader went off the reservation years ago and it is now about his ego and not building a legit third party in America. The Green Party, who had a great candidate in David Cobb in 2004, have nominated that crazy Cynthia McKinney, who talks a good talk about the working class but has shown she thinks she's better than them.
I'm guessing my only other alternative is to write-in Dennis Kucinich.
But I'm ready to be convinced either way.
I'm ready for someone to have a go at talking me down, much like Rachel Maddow does on her new show. I've discovered that we've got some pretty thoughtful and smart readers in this little corner of the blog world we created here. So if anyone is up to the task...
But right now, I just don't know.