Thursday, January 22, 2009

More Republican Dip-Shittery


So Caroline Kennedy has decided to not seek the U.S. Senate seat vacated by Hillary Clinton.

New York Representative Peter King (R-Bridge & Tunnel) has been someone who has hammered away at this idea from the very beginning. We've had to listen to him drone on and on about how this would be such a bad choice, detrimental for the state of New York and how she's not capable or qualified for the job.

So he's happy about this development, right? Right?

Sure didn't seem so when I saw him on cable news today. He seemed just as pissed about her not pursuing the seat as when she was still going after it. I saw him actually demanding that she explain herself, even suggesting that the American people have a right to know what happened and why she made this decision. He was so much more indignant about her pulling her name from consideration than he was about how unqualified she was for this job. And he was pretty damn indignant about that latter point.

So let me get this straight. According to Peter King (R-White People) any private citizen who decides not to seek public office has to explain him or her self to the American people.

Rrriiiiiight. And this idiot thinks he should be the next Senator from New York (he's planning on running in two years for this seat)?

So just for the record, an open statement to Peter King (R-Suburban Sprawl):

Rep. King, I will not be seeking the office of Senator, Governor, Representative, Attorney General or any other public office. This is mostly due to the fact that the majority of American people probably won't vote for an atheist vegetarian with an unapologetic history of drug use.

And also because I wouldn't be able to resist calling you a "fucking moron" every time we walked by each other in the hallway of the capitol.

I mean, seriously. Could you be any bigger of an idiot?

Have fun having your ass handed to you in the 2010 Senate election.

OMG, You Guys!

Did you hear? When Obama re-took the oath so the right-wing noise machine would shut up, he neglected to use a bible to do so!

All the right-wing bloggers are talking about it!

Apparently, using the Supreme Court to hijack the election eight years ago, that's kosher, but echoing a phrase wrong by one misplaced word or neglecting to use a religious prop in your pomp and circumstance, and your presidency is called into question.

Clearly, these people need to learn to unzip their pants and jerk (or stroke) it a while until the pressure subsides and there's a mess to clean up.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

And The Next Senator from NY Is...

Hold your horses. New York governor David Paterson won't say yet. But it will surely be before Saturday, we are told. Apparently he made his decision on Monday afternoon, but he's taking a few more days to mull things over. Percentages are in favor of Caroline Kennedy-Schlossberg, but if Paterson is to display real fortitude in the testes he'll go with state attorney general (and possible gubernatorial rival in 2010) Andrew Cuomo.

Personally, I'm rooting for congresswoman Kirsten Gillibrand. Yea, I've changed my allegiance, so what? I'm flexible like that.

Here's some fatty-fat on Gillibrand:

-Magna cum laude graduate of Dartmouth College
-Former lawyer with high powered Davis Polk firm
-Partner for David Boies’ law firm (argued Al Gore’s Supreme Court case in 2000)
-Public service: Worked as a lawyer for President Clinton
-Elected twice by voters in a heavily conservative area
-Champion for abused women

By contrast, Ms. Kennedy has never worked a day as a lawyer; in fact her law license has been expired for a number of years. And while Ms. Kennedy may have endorsed OBama, she hasn't bothered to vote in the majority of both New York City and New York State elections. Not really an old hand at public service is she?

All that being said, however, chances are Ms. Kennedy will waltz into the Capitol as a Senator in a few days---perhaps a product of nepotism courtesy of the still-influential, albeit fading Uncle Teddy. However, she'll have to campaign for her seat in 2010, and go mano-a-mano with serious contenders wielding serious resumés.

Breaking News: Caroline Kennedy has withdrawn from consideration for the vacant Senate seat in New York, according to the NY Times.

Late Wednesday she called Gov. David A. Paterson, and cited her concerns about Senator Edward M. Kennedy’s deteriorating health (he was hospitalized after suffering a seizure during President Obama’s inaugural lunch on Tuesday ), which prompted her decision to withdraw.

So my girl is still in the running!

Notes From The Couch

Something weird and rare happened yesterday down south here: it snowed. Big time. Well, at least for these parts (7 in.). Big, beautiful flakes and great, soft, dry accumulation. When it was all said and done in the late afternoon, the place looked like something similar to Innsbruck or Lausanne. I trekked into work early to catch the brouhaha online, but was promptly sent back home by my panicked boss, via email. Apparently the roads were going to get worse. And so back I went. And indeed they did (the roads, the roads!).

I poured a few fat fingers of cognac and settled into the couch (damn, gotta get those pillows re-stuffed) to watch the party. I was disgusted to see W march out to "Hail to the Chief" one last time, looking as clueless and moronic as ever; that smug, I-only-answer-to-one-father smile pasted on his face. And amused to see Cheney being pushed slowly in a wheelchair by some Nurse Ratched (hopefully) type---he donning a cane and looking like a washed-up pensioner being impounded into an assisted living facility. I can dream, no? H.W. aka Papa Bush was looking fragile. He wallowed down like a penguin; a weird, purple ascot tied around his turkey neck. Will these bastards ever die? Highlanders, the lot of 'em!

I wasn't digging the Yo-Yo Obama-Mama/Itzhak Perlman quartet playing some shitty, American neo-classic garbage composed or arranged by John Williams. I'm sorry, but couldn't we have just stuck to a healthy dose of Beethoven? Is he not genius enough? Or Mahler? Give me a break with John Williams. Everything he's ever composed has sounded like a jingle for that "Beef, it's what's for dinner" campaign the National Cattlemen's Beef Association hit us with a few years ago (okaaay, I know that was Aaron Copeland's "Rodeo" which also sucks, but dammit, all these guys sound the same: COMFORTABLY MEDIOCRE).

Pastor Rick Warren is a fatcat douche. That's all I have on that.

I loves me some Aretha, but jaysus...that hat. I couldn't concentrate. For some perverse reason, all I could think of was Ms. Franklin standing there butt nekkid clad only in that Sunday sermon headgear. Shudder!

I liked the inaugural poem written by Elizabeth Alexander, who teaches at Yale University. But holy mother of all gods did she butcher it with her reading. People were seriously yawning during the recitation. Which sucks, because it is a nice, good, simple piece---a modern piece. The one thing I cannot fathom is why it took Ms. Alexander an entire month to craft the 161-word poem. I mean, I'm all for brevity, and I know a bit about it, but goddamn; that's an average of 5.3 words per day. When you have all day! And it's not like it was some sort of Shakespeare sonnet, come now. The one thing that modern poetry should reflect is urgency--like a punk song. Two minutes and out. I don't believe poems ought to be eternal, definitely not modern poems.

Biden came out and was sworn in on the most gigantic Bible I've ever seen. It looked like a Lilliputian prop out of "Gulliver's Travels." His wife somehow had the strength to hold it while he repeated the requisite pledge, but secretly I was hoping she'd chuck that baby at W. Of course, he's had practice and experience dodging flying objects so he'd probably have masterfully traversed that situation.

I don't believe Chief Justice John Roberts intentionally tried to trip up Wonderboy. But it made for a More Human (Than Human, you see what I did with that Rob Zombie reference here?) moment, and so I dug the hiccups from both men. Hey baby, they're on the spot before 200 + million. I'd be hemmana-hemmana-ing my way through that oath too. I can barely remember the Pledge of Allegiance as it is.

I didn't think Obama's speech was historical or on par with Lincoln's or FDR's or Kennedy's but who cares? I wasn't looking for that to begin with. And in a way it fit Obama's work ethic. No transcendent bullshit babies; there's work to be done. And so yes. No memorable lines. But no matter. By the by, the only thing we have to fear IS fear itself. And I ain't no longer asking what my country can do for me, 'cause I know it can't do shit. So...

That being said, I must admit to getting the shivers as Obama was sworn in. That has only happened to me one other time and for a different reason: I was listening to John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" album (remember albums?) and when "Resolution" kicked in, I got...well...verklempt. What can I say, I guess I'm a big softie after all. Yea, no.

I skipped the evening balling (stop snickering) and the usual nocturnal, awkward Prez and Veep dancefest with their wives, in favour of a home-made Mediterranean pizza and an installment of NOVA on PBS ("Green Economy and its Hurdles"), which thoroughly deflated and depressed me.

And so I was back to square-1 mentally speaking. But you wouldn't have it any other way. The first word I ever uttered as a baby was "curmudgeon." Seriously...